i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
