He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
