The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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