Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
