Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
