If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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