dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
