Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
