When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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