the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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