Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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