you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
