You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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