I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
