Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
