i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
