"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
