her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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