No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
