My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She bit a glass in half.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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