don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
