Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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