I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
