I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
