I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
