Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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