I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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