true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I believe in your delicious
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
