You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
