So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
