Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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