he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
