After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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