I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
