that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
