shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
