am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
