giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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