Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
