they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
