Duck Duck Cougar?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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