Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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