So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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