the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
