it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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