Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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