last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
