Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
