i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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