Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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