ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
