i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
