I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
