i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
