Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
