i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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